New channel name!!! Amy's life Journey
Oct 25, 2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaocVZ0MbQA

this is my story and welcome to it
[Music]
welcome to Wednesday I apologize about
my craft Tuesday going up so late last
night I for some reason was thinking
that it was Monday and oleate asked me
he said hon did you post your craft
video I was like no like why would I be
posting that he's like honey it's
Tuesday I'm like oh my gosh I can't
believe it's Tuesday I was thinking it
was Monday so that's why it went up late
um but yeah that was definitely my fault
so we're gonna go and get drinks
we need a little spruce you see of some
caffeine and our our diet today both of
us so we're gonna go and get drinks and
then I think we're gonna try and we need
to go and drop off a package at the post
office
and then we are going possibly to go to
Walmart and take back a few things that
need to be so anyways they just want to
check in with you guys and say good
morning I hope you guys are having a
wonderful start to your morning our day
here so like the weather is beautiful
it's perfect full weather my perfect
fall weather so it's supposed to that
was supposed to start raining last night
and sort of sad but I don't think it did
so it will probably start sometime today
and it's supposed to go for the rest of
the week so we're just you know taking
care of things that need to get taken
care of I want to at some point this
week I think make a crock-pot chili
homemade chili so I'll probably have to
get the stuff for that at some point
today but anyways I will check in with
you guys in a little bit and let you
guys know where worked all right so we
just stopped get some lunch cuz I'm
hungry and so I did
men men miniman smile you're on candid
camera
[Laughter]
you are so crazy I swear I think that
was from the second one I think uh
anyways but I was hungry sighs I will
just stop really quick so I can park
right here anyways
[Laughter]
not only his sandwich it's a turkey
Asiago Oh French egg uh-oh
what did I say Asiago
yes that is his that's his thing
he loves the sound which
anyways we will catch you guys later
we're going to eat our lunch and Omar's
back there eating his cookie mean of
Wednesday oh yes I have not checked in
for a hot minute let me tell ya habits
so I came home and what did I do
well I changed my heads and then I got a
call from the doctors so the update so
far we're still waiting for one more
test to come in but for the for one of
the blood work tests that they did
yesterday which they took another whole
panel of audits but so the one test that
they got the results back for day today
so far is showing that my thyroid is
elevated I don't remember what test goes
with what I yeah clearly that is in my
profession but um I have another test
that we're waiting on the results to
come in which he had to leave early
today so um he wasn't able to check the
other one but he said to tell the nurse
or he told the nurse to tell me that he
will get the results tomorrow and then
definitely have her call me with the
results and then go from there on what
we decide to do so hopefully this tired
filling will be something that will be
eliminated due to or at least we'll know
what's going on I did look up some like
symptoms and things like that for like
hyper thyroid
I know I'm saying it wrong I'm
butchering the name I'm sure it's really
crazy because everything that's on the
symptoms I have like everything and so
it's like okay the only thing that is
weird is I don't have like a bumpy bump
thing but then again my neck is really
big so maybe I'm missing out we'll see
but so I'll keep you guys updated on
that today for lunch I did have the
broccoli cheddar bread bowl but I did
not eat the bread bowl part of it um
Olli is so used to ordering me that and
I haven't had I haven't had Panera and
well probably since I started this
journey so it's been a while but anyways
so we when he got it I wasn't paying
attention but I seen the bread bowl and
I was like oh crap well so what I did is
I did put it in my bread bowl and then I
just took the top part of the bread and
that's what I had and it was really good
so but I left the rest of it and
actually Omar took most of the other
bread so I don't really get much bread
oh excuse me
hopefully we won't be doing this much
longer I feel like it's a disease um but
anyways so let's see so we did that we
had been here for lunch and that was
nice we just s were slept for most of
the time and then when she woke up she
got her lunch and Omar I eat a little
bit of his cookie but he had already
eaten so he wasn't really like very
hungry and then he had my bread on top
of it so he was just like yeah over it
and then we came home and then all he
had to leave and so I was home but um I
did do my homework for part of my
counseling session and it definitely
took me from here to here because it was
starting to write letters to the people
that I needed to to get closure of my
traumas so that I can start moving on
and healing and as much as you would
think it would be an easy aspect it's
not yeah it's not clearly so I started
with probably my hardest letter one of
my hardest letters and I will be
processing through each and every one of
the letters I will not be sharing those
letters on here because they are very
very very very personal and there's some
things that I have to kind of protect
I'm pretty much an open book but there
are a few things that I have to protect
and the reason being is because this is
also you know real life and these are
things that I have had to go through for
30 plus years so as I am as I'm going
through these through this process and
emotionally having to drive this train
into the the never-ending darkness to
find the light at some point I don't
want to dig up too much of that and put
it out because once I seal it I want it
to be closed off and done so there are
things that I definitely will share but
then there's things that I probably
won't and that would be like the letters
because those are very very very very
private and personal and I also don't
want to throw the people that will
receive the letters out under the bus
because that's not what I'm trying to do
um so I hope that everybody understands
that part as you know I'm trying to be
as you know caution cautious and careful
during this process because it's a very
hard process but I also want to share as
much as I can because I know that
there's many other people that are
struggling with this
situation that I am and so as I'm going
through these emotions and starting to
teach myself how to be able to heal
those wounds to the to the best excuse
me to the best of my ability but as I'm
doing that I just really want to be very
cautious though that I'm not going to so
I just I'm really trying to be cautious
about this whole thing because like I
said as soon as I am done I want to sell
these these items and never look back
because that's part of where I am with
my healing is I want to be able to just
move on and be a normal person and not
feel like I'm walking this tread of
trauma all my life now with that doesn't
mean that those things might not come up
at some different time but the
difference will be is I've made closure
I've done the process so if it was to
come back up at least at that point I
will have the tools to just deal with it
and go on and not fixate on the trauma
that happened because I will know in my
heart I personally validated everything
that happened to me and I don't need the
validation from anybody else because
that's that's I'm not I need to stop
looking for validation from others
instead of just validating it myself and
saying okay you know what as long as ami
you're validating what happened to
yourself that's all that matters
because you may not get that validation
from anybody that did things to you but
as long as you write a closure letter to
let them know you have never forgotten
the pain suffering abuse trauma whatever
it is that you incurred during that time
of care with them then you can move on
and I'm not seeing that it happened with
everybody
lived with her that it happened you know
in multiple different times it didn't
I had great times in my childhood don't
be wrong not everybody that care for me
was an evil person my god but definitely
there were some people that played some
major parts in my life that did cause a
major part of trauma to me and those are
the things that I am dealing with and
and moving past you know and then I can
sit and think of great times that I had
and write letters to those people that
excuse me that played a great part in
the the part of helping build my my
structure of really Who I am today and
thanking them for the life that I did
have while I was in their care you know
so it's not all about me on a rampage to
bring everybody down or to shine light
on all the trauma that's happened in my
life and not think about anything that
happened positive because that would not
be fair to the ones that were positive
in my life and there were many of them
that were positive but there were some
that were negative and those are the
ones that right now I'm doing with my
positives are much better and I am
little by little taking little steps to
to go into that light you know and say
okay Amy you know what you remember
those memories when and you know and
like last night I was sitting there and
I was watching the karaoke video that I
posted months ago and it just may take
me back to when I was I want to say it
was like probably 16 17 I wasn't I
wasn't an adult just yet although I
still acted like a kid when I was an
adult half the time I still act like a
child sometimes
but I remember when you
I got a karaoke machine so I love to
sing and so when all the Napalm the
neighbors all knew me right everybody
knew this are my family and we were the
crazy house I mean we had always had
kids at the house all of the school kids
would come to the house it was just you
know it was one of those things where
that house was known as the kid house
and so of course our house was known all
over the neighborhood and I remember
once I got my karaoke machine I would
stick it I would turn it outside so like
I'd open the bedroom window and my bed
was up against the wall
and I would put the karaoke machine
outside the window facing out so the
speakers were going out and I would sing
and I talked to the whole neighborhood
while karaoke and it would be full blast
and everybody in the neighborhood would
hear me I'm sure everybody down miles
past would probably hear me and
everybody knew me like there was just no
getting by and people not knowing AMI
and so yeah I mean but it's things like
that that you know made me smile like
last night I just kind of smile and was
like oh the things I did when I was
younger but you know those were great
memories those are things that I love to
do jumping on the trampoline with a lot
of the kids and listening to blasting
music and you know there's lots of good
memories but some of those taunting
memories are the ones that dig up those
nasty feelings those are what I'm
dealing with right now because that's
where it's gonna get me to start being
able to move past that trauma and move
forward to the next chapter of my life
which is where I want to be now so
anyway so I worked on that today and
that pretty much took up most of my
afternoon because it took me a lot I had
to stop a few times and set the computer
down and just kind of just get away from
it for a little bit and then I'd come
back to it and then I would have to sit
it down because it's very hard and it is
very very very emotionally draining when
you have to step back into the
because it's not a good feeling and so
that sucks but you know what that's part
of this whole healing process and I want
to heal so bad so I can just move on and
be the best mom wife friend and person
to myself as I can be but I can't do
those things without first allowing the
healing to start and that's where I'm at
so anyways I keep seeing my numbers
kawaman oh I'm so excited and it's all
because of you where's my thing right
there you you you you you and all of you
new accessor Ivor's thank you so much
for joining my channel this is a crazy
place crazy but we love it here this is
a vlog channel so you guys will get
daily videos from here um some are gonna
be long some are gonna be sure some are
gonna be happy and some of them are
gonna be chard but that's the day in the
life of me I am not fake I do not put
out a fake person what you see is what
I'm going through are what I'm doing at
that very moment some people have asked
about my business channel or my business
that I'm starting up no so what I'm
going to do is I will be making two
channels I have decided that last
tonight I will be making two channels I
think I have come up with my names for
this channel because I am M changing
this channels name it has been a me on
the go but change has happened life has
happened this channel has changed a
little bit to where I'm at today and I
think that results in a name change so
I'm gonna try to do a name change I
don't know if it's gonna let me because
I think I well I just don't know if it's
gonna let me so if it won't let me
change it then then it's gonna stay a me
on the go until will let me change it um
but if it will let me change it I will
be changing this channel
our channel as journey and that way it
kind of rounds around everything that
I'm doing from weight loss to my day
vlogs to everything because this is not
just a weight loss channel I don't want
anybody to think that this is just a
weight loss journal because this is a
vlog for everything this is my days what
we're going through my family you know
my family's life my life everybody's
life and so but in the end it is more
about me and what I'm going through
so that is why I'm keeping it with my
name some people suggested to do the
Ramadan's journey or you know life with
the Ramadan's but even though it does
have to do with my family because my
family is part of my life this is
ultimately at the very end going to be
roughly about everything with me from
losing weight to my my healing of my
past to finding my new self to growing
my wings everything in between so the
new channel if I can get the name to
change will be Amy's life journey so I
hope you guys and like that channel's
name and I am excited to see where this
channel is gonna take us like I've said
a hundred million times and I'm gonna
say it one more time to add to that this
is not just my channel though I see this
channel is a community this is about
everybody there is so many people going
through these same things that I am
they're going through weight loss
they're going through healing they're
going through finding themselves they're
finding their wings there some of them
are still caterpillars I'm still a
caterpillar I'm in my cocoon but I am a
caterpillar and I have yet to find my
wings just yet but I'm getting there and
I'm feeling more confident and as I see
our channel growing it just makes my
my wings start getting color and I'm
because it's soon enough that I'm gonna
bust out of my cocoon and show you guys
a life that I've always wanted which is
traveling I can't wait to get to the
point in my life where I finally get to
go travel and take you guys along for
these for these journeys of of adventure
and everything that gets to come with it
this channel is something that is more
to me than just a YouTube channel this
channel is my passion it's my life I
love every one of you guys every one of
you guys means something to me and I
just can't be more happy like I said to
see the numbers growing because it just
it makes me know again that we're all in
this together we're all doing this we're
all making this channel grow and I want
to be one of the biggest channels not
for publicity not for fame famous nests
or whatever you want to call it not for
any of that why I want this channel to
be one of the biggest channels is
because this is again a community people
that we can draw together be positive
flash out that negativity know that when
you come to this channel that you're
coming for friends and support you all
inner communicate with each other some
of you guys have become friends outside
of the channel that makes my heart so
happy to know that this is the route of
where this tree is blossoming and we are
the roots to all of this coming up and
so it's not for any reason other than
wanting this channel to be the biggest
channel for you and for me not for just
me because like I've said this from the
very beginning I don't look at this
channel as my channel
look at this channel is our channel but
yes I am changing the name of the
channel because yes it is I am on the go
but I don't think that that's when I
made that name I was going towards like
shopping halls and things like that and
I'm still doing that please don't think
I'm not but that's not everything that
this channel is gonna be about there's a
right wide variety of things that this
channel is gonna be going for but my
main thing is my day vlogs you guys get
that every day that's not going anywhere
as my as my design company is coming up
that is not anywhere close to happening
just yet I have to buy the equipment
still there's a lot to it there's a lot
of financial stuff that I have to go
into with it so it's something that I'm
definitely wanting to get into and when
that happens I will just somehow connect
those channels together but they will be
separate so that you guys can go and
subscribe to that channel as well if
you're into the home décor and home DIYs
and things like that and you'll also get
my day vlogs but at least they're
separate so if there is somebody that's
really just into wanting to watch home
decor and designing they can go to that
channel if they don't want to watch Dave
vlogs and vice versa or you get both but
I won't be posting daily on my design
channel as I will on my daily vlogs so
that's that that's the difference there
but anyways I am gonna close you guys I
have got to get ready for that's time
for the babies oh my gosh they love
their bath time now no I can't get him
out of the bathtub and they're always
baking me yeah yeah right you want to go
bath you just want to go in the room and
play with the water you don't want take
a bath but anyways so that is how today
went for me tomorrow's Thursday tomorrow
oli does work a long day so I'm gonna be
home most of the day I think I don't
think I'm gonna be taking the kids
anywhere especially because tomorrow's
be training really hard so most likely
we will be staying home but I think
tomorrow I'm gonna do some preschool and
stuff so I'll just show you guys that
stuff and maybe do a DIY or something I
don't know we'll figure it out we'll
play with it see what we can come up
with but anyways I hope you guys enjoyed
this food today I will check in with you
guys tomorrow fresh in the morning until
then sweet dreams you guys
